She Hates the Sound that Goodbyes Make
by iwillalwaysbeyourlight
Summary: A look at the summer following the year that changed Puck and Quinn's lives forever  Puck/Quinn Beth . Title from the Jon McLaughlin song Beautiful Disaster.


~~May~~

"What if she thinks we didn't love her?" Quinn asks him. She's sitting in her hospital bed with her knees pulled up and Beth resting comfortably against them.

"I don't know," Puck tells her for the fifth time that hour. Damn, it's fucking hard and he feels like his heart is being ripped from his chest. "We don't' have to do this, you know," he says, pushing some of her hair out of her face as he watches her stroke the baby's cheek lovingly.

"We do," she replies, sniffling as fresh, new tears threaten to fall.

Puck sighs in frustration. "We don't! We can be a family; you, me, and the kid. Your mom said she'll even turn the spare room into a nursery."

"She deserves better than that, better than us, better than two sixteen year old parents who don't know what they're doing." Quinn says bitterly. "I can't have this argument with you again. It's too hard." She bites her lip and looks down at Beth, blinking hard as tears spill onto her cheeks.

_Shit_, he thinks because he didn't mean to make her cry again. "I'm sorry," Puck says, abandoning the chair at her bedside and cautiously climbing into the bed beside her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, "please don't cry again."

"I can't help it," she sobs, burying her face in his shoulder. "It's the baby hormones."

"It's okay," he soothes, cupping the back of her neck with his hand and stroking the side of it with his thumb. He keeps his eyes locked on his daughter and frowns when the baby wrinkles her forehead and begins to cry. "Not you too."

"Oh," Quinn sighs, lifting her head from his shoulder and wiping her cheeks with her sleeve, "I'm so sorry, baby." She says, scooping Beth up and resting her on her chest, the baby's ear pressed flush against her heart. Puck wonders if she's apologizing more for making the baby cry or for giving her away. "I didn't mean to upset you," she tells her as she runs her finger up and down her tiny back.

"She likes that," he muses as the baby's cries are almost instantly quieted.

"Mmm," Quinn hums, "she does."

"She really is beautiful," Puck says, reaching his hand over and resting it on Beth's back.

"She's perfect." Quinn whispers, nuzzling her nose against the baby's bald head and breathing in her sweet scent in an attempt to commit every single bit of her to memory.

They lay like that in silence for a long time before Puck finally speaks again, "I think she'll know that we love her. One day she'll get that we only did this _because_ we loved her so fucking much."

"I don't think I'm strong enough to say goodbye to her," she tells him tearfully as she presses a kiss to her daughter's head.

"Then don't," Puck states simply and she goes to roll her eyes because she thinks they're going to get into it again, "tell her I'll see you later."

"But what if we don't see her later?"

"We will," he promises her, leaning over and kissing the pink skin of their baby's cheek.

* * *

She's sore, exhausted, and hormonal. Not to mention completely heartbroken. It's only been twenty six hours since she had her and a mere three hours since she pressed a final kiss to her tiny, rosebud lips before placing her in Shelby's waiting arms. She's lying in bed, completely alone for the first time in nine months and wishing she could forget her but wanting nothing more than to feel her strong little legs kick inside her just one more time. Her body is one big aching reminder of all that she had and all that she lost. Her belly cramps and contracts as her uterus works to shrink back down to its pre-baby size and her breasts are swollen and painful, full of milk for a baby she no longer has but desperately wants.

"Hey," Puck whispers quietly, walking into her dark room.

"Go away," she growls, burrowing her face into her pillow.

"No way," he replies, "I had to work really hard to get Mama Bear Mercedes to even let me up the stairs. Puckzilla's got far too much pride to go back downstairs now."

"I don't feel like talking."

"Good," he says, and she can feel him slipping into the bed behind her, "neither do I."

She lays there silently, hoping if she's quiet for long enough he'll get bored and go away. He doesn't though, and after a long while she feels him reach over and trace soothing circles on her back. The gesture is so gentle and disarmingly kind that it causes big, fresh tears to run onto Quinn's cheeks.

"Come here," he says, extending his arms towards her after he hears her sniffle. Quinn gingerly rolls over into them and he envelops her tiny frame, pulling her so close to his chest than she can hear his heart pounding. He presses his nose into her soft, blonde hair, pausing briefly to breathe in her scent. She smells like she always has, of vanilla and strawberries, but there's also a faint hint of Johnson's baby shampoo and powder and Beth. He silently wishes those scents would become a part of her and never go away. "I miss her too."

Those four little words are all it takes for Quinn to come completely unraveled and before she even knows what's happening she's sobbing deep, mournful cries into his t-shirt. He holds her the entire time she cries, squeezing her extra tight when her body shakes from the sheer weight of her loss. _Their_ loss. Even though it's physically painful for him to see her so _broken _there's nowhere else he'd rather be.

"I really wanted to keep her," Quinn finally manages softly.

He draws in a deep, shuttering breath and she realizes that he's been crying right along with her. "I know you did."

She pulls away from his chest and looks up to meet his eyes for the first time that night. "Do you think she'll ever know how much we love her?" It's a question he's answered numerous times before, but it's the one she always falls back on when she's feeling weak and like every decision she's made has been the wrong one.

Puck shrugs, reaching up to brush a tear from her raw, red cheek with his thumb. "Maybe one day we can tell her."

"I hope so," she says before nuzzling her face into his neck, her nose resting against his pulse point. It's complicated because Puck represents everything horrible that happened to her in the past year, from losing her virginity to getting kicked out of her parents' house to breaking up with Finn. But tangled up in all those awful things is her beautiful baby girl and she's clinging desperately to the last bit of her that remains. "Can you stay with me tonight?"

"Sure," he replies quickly. Although he'd never admit it, he needs to be close to her just as much as she needs to be close to him

~~June~~

"Can I have blueberry _and_ chocolate chip pancakes?" Hannah Puckerman begs, reaching over from where she's perched on the counter and attempting to empty the entire bag of chocolate chips into the batter

"Damn it, Hannah, wait!" Puck scolds harshly and the girl pouts. Her big brother is never exactly patient, but on this particular morning he seems extra short and grouchy.

"Now you have to put a dollar in the curse jar!" She taunts, sticking out her tongue and testing just how far she can push him.

"I don't have to do anything," he tells her, "including making you pancakes for breakfast so you better shut your trap while you're still ahead."

"Fine," she sighs, folding her arms across her chest and shutting up because she can tell by the look on his face he's serious. "What's the matter with you anyways?"

"Nothing," he snarls, annoyed with the fact that his freaking ten year old sister can read him like a damn Nancy Drew novel.

"Did Santana break up with you again or something?" Hannah prods, eyeing the lumpy batter her brother is stirring with disgust. Girls were usually the cause of Noah's bad moods.

"Santana and I aren't dating."

She shrugs and begins mentally filing through all the girls she'd seen her brother with over the last few weeks. Only one comes to mind, "Quinn then?" She asks cautiously, disappointed that maybe her brother did something to make Quinn stop coming around because she _really_ likes her.

"Huh?" Puck snaps his head up at the mention of her name. "Quinn and I aren't dating, either."

Hannah smirks, "she sure is here a lot for you not to be dating."

"We're working through some shi…" he catches himself before he has to put another dollar in the curse jar "stuff. Grown-up stuff."

"Grown-up stuff like sex?" Hannah teases, her voice going up an octave on the last word

"Ugh," Puck growls, lunging for his sister. "Get out!"

"You can't catch me," she cries, scurrying off the counter and inadvertently bringing two eggs crashing to the linoleum with her. "Oops!" She giggles, taking in the mess. "Your fault, clean it up!"

"I'm going to kill you!" He yells, reaching out to grab her arm but, damn, she's fast for a little girl.

"What's going on in here?" Quinn asks with an airy laugh as she steps into the kitchen.

"QUINN!" Hannah squeals, running to the older girl and wrapping her arms tightly around her waist.

"You just interrupted a homicide." Puck tells her before glaring at his sister menacingly.

"Noah is in a very rotten mood this morning," Hannah explains, pushing Quinn backwards a few steps so that she's out of Puck's reach when she says it.

"He is?" Quinn asks, moving some of the girl's dark hair out of her eyes before looking at Puck sympathetically.

"Yes," she nods, "and he's a bad cook!"

"Well," Quinn smiles, taking Hannah's hands in her own and kneeling down to her level, "why don't you go watch cartoons in the living room and I'll see what I can do to help."

"Okay," she agrees happily before skipping off.

"Kid's a pain in the ass," Puck says once he's sure she's out of earshot.

Quinn moves to get some disinfecting spray and a paper towel before bending to clean up the eggs from the floor. "She's cute."

"You can have her," Puck replies, turning his attention back to the pancake batter.

"So," Quinn starts, coming up behind him and placing both of her hands on his shoulders, moving her thumbs to work out some of the knots that have formed there. "Would your bad mood have anything to do with the fact that it's Father's Day today?"

"Maybe," he admits. _Yes_. "I just wanted to be alone today, but mom worked the night shift last night so I'm stuck on Squirt duty while she sleeps." He cracks an egg on the side of the bowel and Quinn watches as some shell goes in with it.

"Here," she says, pushing him out of the way and taking over, "I'll cook."

"It's just fucking hard, you know?"

Quinn nods because she knows better than anyone. Mother's Day was brutal. Despite Mercedes and Kurt's best efforts, she'd spent the entire day lying in bed with the covers pulled over her head. "I got you a little something," she tells him, nodding towards a bag she'd placed on the table. "It's not much, but…" she continues as she works to pick one remaining piece of eggshell from the bowl.

"You didn't have to." He says, feeling instantly shitty that he forgot her on Mother's Day.

"I know," Quinn smiles softly, "I wanted to."

He reaches into the bag and pulls out a beautiful framed picture. It's one of the three of them, taken by Mercedes just minutes after Beth's birth. "Thank you," Puck says as he tries to swallow the lump in his throat because Noah Puckerman doesn't fucking cry.

"I know I look disgusting in it, but I thought it was a really nice one of you and Beth…" Quinn rambles anxiously.

"You don't look disgusting," he insists, pressing a kiss to her temple. "You've never looked more beautiful." Under any other circumstances, that line coming from Noah Puckerman would have sounded like a thinly veiled attempt to get into her panties, but his voice is genuine and she knows he's only saying it because he means it.

"You're a liar," she laughs, biting at her bottom lip. She can feel him staring at her and it's making her incredibly nervous.

"Am not," he says, placing his hand on the back of her neck and kissing her lips before she has a chance to stop him. She tastes familiar and sweet and like everything he's ever wanted.

"Puck," she warns, pulling away as her hazel eyes look up at him. It's the first time they've kissed like _that_ since the night Beth was conceived and it catches her off guard.

"Sorry," he apologizes, shoving his hands into his back pockets and stepping away but she shakes her head and walks to him, this time bringing her lips to meet his.

"I love you too," she whispers against his lips, knowing that she never said it back to him that day in the hospital.

"Not dating, huh?" Hannah's voice interrupts the still quiet of the moment and they pull apart quickly.

"Hannah," Quinn squeaks uncomfortably, pink color spreading to her cheeks as Puck stands beside her, his fists clenched tightly at his sides. "We were just finishing up your pancakes."

"I'm ten, not stupid." She retorts with a roll of her eyes before grabbing a plate and running into the dining room, "make mine chocolate chip AND blueberry, please!"

"Told you she was annoying as shit," Puck complains once his sister is gone.

"Mmm," Quinn hums, dropping pancake batter onto the hot griddle. "When's your mom going to be up again?"

~~July~~

"It's as hot as freakin' balls, Q," he complains from the passenger seat of her car, cranking up the ac all the way. "We should be at the pool or getting ice cream or something. Not driving around on this secret mission of yours."

Quinn scrunches up her nose in disgust at his rather colorful description of the stifling July heat. "It's not a secret mission. It's a surprise and you'll like it, I promise."

_Not as much as I like the way your body looks right after you climb out of the pool _he thinks but doesn't say. He's trying really hard to be good for her. He wants things between them to be different this time. "Why won't you tell me where we're going?"

"Because," she states with feigned impatience, "it's a surprise."

"You're not going to make me paint pottery or some girly crap like that, are you?"

"No," Quinn giggles at the mental image of Puck in a pottery shop, "I don't even do that."

He's quiet for a while, entertaining himself by counting the freckles on her bare, sun kissed shoulder since the CD player in her car is on the fritz. Four, five, six, seven, "At least give me a hint?"

"Fine," she sighs, "we're babysitting."

"Hell no, Q," he shouts, practically reaching for the handle on the door. "Last time I babysat with you those little demons tied us to a chair."

"I can assure you that won't be happening today. Besides," she says, bringing her car to a stop outside of a modest but nice home and turning off the ignition, "we're already here."

He unbuckles his seatbelt and pushes his seat back into a reclining position, "I'll wait here."

"No, you won't," she reaches over and releases the handle under the seat, brining it (and Puck) flinging forward.

"This better be good," he mumbles under his breath as he climbs out of the car and follows her to the porch.

"Are you ready?" She asks him as they stand together on the porch. It's not until she reaches for his hand that he realizes she's shaking.

"Yeah, uh, I guess," Puck says, still unsure of exactly what he's ready for.

"Okay," Quinn sighs in an attempt to steady her nerves before reaching up and ringing the doorbell.

A few seconds later the door opens and, of all people, they're greeted by Rachel Berry. "Hi, guys," she smiles before stepping aside and letting them in.

"We're babysitting Berry?" Puck whispers to Quinn curiously.

"Shush," she hisses, jabbing her elbow into his side.

"Hello you two, thanks so much for coming. I was just getting some bottles ready in the kitchen." Shelby explains, breezing into the room with a baby resting against her shoulder. "My number is on the fridge if you need anything. Her diapers are in her room, she takes between four and five ounces of formula every four hours, she loves music, and if she gets upset just give her a pacifier and her lamb blanket." It's not until she lifts the baby from her shoulder and places her in Quinn's waiting arms that the realization that it's _their _baby he's looking at sinks in for him. "You okay?" She asks gently as Quinn stands in front of her in stunned silence.

"Uh huh," Quinn nods.

"Good," Shelby grins before wrapping her arm around Rachel's shoulders, "we're going to lunch. I wrote everything down in a notebook on the counter in case you need it, but you shouldn't. She's a very good girl."

"We'll take really good care of her," Quinn promises as Shelby and Rachel head towards the front door.

"I know you will," Shelby says with a wink, "that's why I called you." She bends to kiss Beth's forehead, "you three have fun!"

Quinn stands in the doorway with Beth, waving as she watches them back out of the driveway in Shelby's car. "Well?" She asks, turning to Puck as she pulls the door shut behind her.

"You were right, I'm definitely surprised." He says, walking into the living room and flopping down on the couch.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you beforehand, I was just afraid if you knew you might not want to come." Quinn explains, catching her bottom lip in her teeth as she so often did when she was nervous.

"Why would you think that?"

She shrugs before settling down beside him on the couch, "Because this is a lot. Maybe too much," she states simply before turning her attention away from him and towards the baby resting in the crook of her arm. "Hi, sweetie," she whispers softly, "do you remember us?"

Puck watches in silence as Quinn repositions Beth so that she's lying propped up against her thighs. She starts at Beth's head, running her palm over the dark blonde downy soft hair that had grown in since her birth. Quinn then moves on to her face, gently tapping her tiny upturned nose. He watches in awe as she systematically looks at every inch of the baby's body, stopping to hold her teeny hands in her own and to tickle her plump belly before finally ending at her feet, taking one in her hand and studying her toes before pressing a kiss to the bottom of iher foot. He'd watched Quinn study her with the exact same intensity in the hospital right after she'd been born. "I was just making sure," she tells Puck when she feels him staring at her.

"Making sure of what?" He asks, furrowing his brow.

"Making sure I haven't forgotten anything about her," she answers simply, softly, her eyes still downcast towards the baby.

"Oh," he says, scooting closer to her side and resting his arm behind her on the couch."She looks just like you," he observes after a few minutes.

"She does," Quinn agrees, her voice breaking as the weight of the moment finally hits her. "I promised myself I wouldn't cry today," she says, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"It's okay, like you said, it's a lot." He pauses, "is it too much for you?"

"No," she tells him immediately. "Well, yes," she decides, slipping her hands behind Beth's body and bringing her up to rest on her chest before nuzzling her nose into her soft hair, "but it's worth it for this."

"Yeah," Puck says, reaching over and cupping the back of their baby's head with hand.

"Here, I'm hogging her," Quinn offers, trying to hand the baby to Puck.

"It's okay, she's seems happy where she is."

"No," Quinn insists, placing Beth in his arms, "she's your daughter too."

"I don't really know what I'm doing here," he says, shifting the baby awkwardly and causing her to squawk in protest.

"Just support her head," she says, reaching over to help, "there, see?"

"Yeah," Puck looks down at Beth and grins. "We love you, kid. Don't ever forget that." He knows she probably doesn't understand what he's saying, but he tells her anyway and she rewards him with a wide, gummy smile. "Oh yeah," he says to Quinn, "totally worth it."

**A/N: Hope Puck wasn't too OOC. I tried to keep him as in character as possible while still allowing for some growth. Hope you enjoyed it!**


End file.
